I can change him.

Planet Mars 📍

Have you ever looked at a man so badly behaved and thought “hm maybe I can change him” or maybe the thought has grazed your beautiful mind. I’m going to hold your and when I say this:

Run.For.Your.life

On this very episode of Kilode diaries, as your self-proclaimed chief complainer and broadcasting ambassador, i’m going to talk about the compelling need women have to try and change a man

May you listen and be blessed

Now we aren’t new to the all “dating scheme” or this whole ordeal of liking a guy and just wanting to be the reason for his very existence, molding and shaking the guy to being who you always imagined him to be even if it means killing yourself in the process.

Trust me, I understand.

I remember coming across a post whether the author did a “I can change him series” where she spoke about her life experiences with a particular dude and let me just say!!

Men will never not be funny

This is something I wouldn’t say is new, It’s more of a norm in my eyes at this point- because I guess there’s this romanticism going on when it comes to sticking around with men who don’t particularly like us that much.

Oops.

It’s something I’ve always wondered in the sense of why we take it up on ourselves to change men who wouldn’t even attempt to “change” for us.

Society. Society. Society.

This point I can never not stress this enough, if anything- society will always be one of the fundamental base lines for a lot of stupidity I see every now and then.

Society, on a whole has trained the two genders differently- one has to be more logical and static, the other one has to be more emotionally invested and loyal to the other gender.

That alone…has always been my problem

Men are being ridiculed for being emotionally invested and mature whilst women are bashed for not always caring for basic bullshit

Standards shift depending on what is deemed “beneficial”for each gender

We are expected to be loyal. To stay. To change. Women, from the moment they were born, were socialized to be emotional gives and managers; to fix, to mold, things they know are out of their control

A blessing and a curse

Making the choice to want to change a person is not something to be ashamed about- I see it as intentional- an illustration of love and devotion

But then when do we accept that some people we just can’t change, so what do we do?

We leave them in the box we found them in

I dare to admit that men have been changed by women- yes. But the same methods who’s worked for someone else will not always be applicable to you.

An environment which reins hate on women who try to leave their relationship for whatever reason.

Then praise the men for being able to still keep her in a place where she’s unable to thrive.

All of this in the name of love?

Kilode?!

Media coverage, aspects of media have painted this pathetic picture of “love will conquer all” music, movies, books confirm this.

Mix that with women’s fantasies and viola! We have

Ambassadors of change

This post isn’t about judging women, it’s about shining light on the gaps and cracks of society

Speaking of cracks, we have one more guest on the list;

Potential vs Reality!!!

Potential vs reality also influences women’s need to change men who-and I quote -“sometimes could not give an absolute crap about us”

Ladies we are “whimsical” creatures. But sometimes, we love to see the good in every single thing we do- even if it’s a crappy man sitting right in front of us.

We still see the good.

The problem with that is the illusion of hope, where women stay in very shitty situations all in the name of the hope that it will be better

But does it really get better?

A lot of women stick around and entertain absolute douchebags because we’re falling in love with ten idea of what he could be rather than who he is now.

Trust me, I understand.

And so with that, we stick around- feeding this sense of false hope and deceiving our selves to thinking these men actually dig us.

For your case, flee from such a guy

But then if we think about it this way;

Maybe at the end of the day, what if it’s really not about “changing him” but expecting him to meet you halfway, loving you the way you love him? and if even after all that he still won’t

GIRL.RUN.